Ok, we know. You're probably ****** that you got Rick'Rolled, right?
Yeah, we figured as much. It was April Fool's Day, though. You couldn't deny that, right!?
So, after a little vacation, we here at the Lockout Weekly decided to give you a little tour of operations.
Since Grundo is reading The Cole Protocol for the thousandth time, Seg and Yos are having another pointless argument, and our editor is probably looking up yuri (Don't ask.), I, Pancho, will be the one to give you a heads up on what we do to get these articles to you.
Ok, to be accurate, this is how I get my articles in. I don't know how Grundo or Yos do theirs, but I sure as heck know how to get mine in, so let's start.
First off, I usually search around for good Intel. My buds over at Sanghelios and Balaho usually provide me with the juiciest Intel this side of the Milky Way, though often it isn't enough just to rely solely on them there. That's where I use my Bungie connections.
To be accurate, they're actually Grundo's, but I lie and say that I'm asking for some Intel for Grundo and they give me some on people's reactions as well as some current events. Once that's done, BOOM, we have our story.
Next, we need to get this thing written. AS you can guess, my fla-- I mean subby arms cannot write or type very well, so we Unggoys resort to a vocal keyboard.
What is this, y
ou ask?
To put it bluntly, a vocal keyboard is an invention created by the UNSC, the UNSC, and a few of the Covenant races such as us, Sangheilis, Yanme'es, Mgalekgolos, and even a few Kig'Yars. This kind of keyboard converts vocal chords into text on a monitor. To make it easier to understand, if you say This, the word This appears on the monitor.
So we usually speak our articles. We have to pronounce them correctly, though, otherwise we sometimes mix up the words. One time I said Plasma Rifle and got Orgasm instead. For the younger audiences reading, you don't want to know.
Yeah, we figured as much. It was April Fool's Day, though. You couldn't deny that, right!?
So, after a little vacation, we here at the Lockout Weekly decided to give you a little tour of operations.
Since Grundo is reading The Cole Protocol for the thousandth time, Seg and Yos are having another pointless argument, and our editor is probably looking up yuri (Don't ask.), I, Pancho, will be the one to give you a heads up on what we do to get these articles to you.
Ok, to be accurate, this is how I get my articles in. I don't know how Grundo or Yos do theirs, but I sure as heck know how to get mine in, so let's start.
First off, I usually search around for good Intel. My buds over at Sanghelios and Balaho usually provide me with the juiciest Intel this side of the Milky Way, though often it isn't enough just to rely solely on them there. That's where I use my Bungie connections.
To be accurate, they're actually Grundo's, but I lie and say that I'm asking for some Intel for Grundo and they give me some on people's reactions as well as some current events. Once that's done, BOOM, we have our story.
Next, we need to get this thing written. AS you can guess, my fla-- I mean subby arms cannot write or type very well, so we Unggoys resort to a vocal keyboard.
What is this, y
ou ask?To put it bluntly, a vocal keyboard is an invention created by the UNSC, the UNSC, and a few of the Covenant races such as us, Sangheilis, Yanme'es, Mgalekgolos, and even a few Kig'Yars. This kind of keyboard converts vocal chords into text on a monitor. To make it easier to understand, if you say This, the word This appears on the monitor.
So we usually speak our articles. We have to pronounce them correctly, though, otherwise we sometimes mix up the words. One time I said Plasma Rifle and got Orgasm instead. For the younger audiences reading, you don't want to know.
When that's done, we need to get it to our editor over at Te. To get it there, we have to valiantly fight off brutal forces of Jiralhanaes, braving the slavers and highwaymen that pollute the lightspeed coordinates. I, alone, once fought off an entire Jiralhanae and Kig'Yar pirate group. I was cornered, my pistol exhausted, with what must have been millions of the brutes closing in on me.
And what did I do? I smacked one in the kissar and used my ninja poweres to vaporize them all. It was so quick, they died before they knew they were dead, ha!
Anyway, once we had delivered the article to our friends at Te, we wa-- I mean we must defend the weak, innocent editors from the ruthless tyrants that follow us even to the depths of Te. Finally, when we can retrieve the treasure, we must then travel the barren expanses of space to get to Earth, where, should we survive the hellspawn put against us, submit it to Bungie and they quickly give it to the guys here at Lockout Weekly.
Anyway, there you have it. That's the epci tale of how we bravely risk our lives in what must be a calamitous journey through unknown regions of space, fighting desperately against daunting odds to bring you the best of the best.
This is Pancho, and remember: Some of us died to make this report live.
Pancho
