Omega Squad Report 6: Post-Apocalyptia in the Haloverse

By the rings, there is no time for snappy, witty introductions, so don't count on it. This is Pata 'Elishon, partner and blood brother of Grundo 'Fishon, and, as we speak, all of Halo 3's XBL community is rioting.

What is it this time? Recon? MLG? Gamerpoints? No.... It's NXE, the New Xbox Experience.

Now, I know what you're thinking. We all know that, deep down, we hate the Wii-like avatars (causing confusion for those who have the 360 and Wii) and confusing setup, but that's not why people are commiting suicide both in-game and off.

No, it's because of the changes to the Achievements that are causing the destruction of the Halo 3 community. The most well-known glitch of the implimentation of the NXE is the loss of one of the most famous Halo permutations: The Katana Body Piece. Now, I know what you're all thinking: Why is everyone so hyped up on the Katana? It's simple, really. While I mean no offense to the community, some have become obsessive on their avatar and rankings and permutations, and the loss of all three has caused paranoia and death to many.

Second only to this is the loss of Security permutations, most notably its Shoulders. Other achievements, such as Spartan Officer, are not unlocked upon achieving them.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Again, why is this a big deal? Well, Matchmaking has calmed down as most of the average, casual gamers have quickly filled the gaps, though occassionally you'll see MLG teams rioting against the casual gamers for not understanding their loss. However, the Flamiteers are hard-pressed to keep hackers and rioters down. Some have snapped entirely, creating a final farewell in their Forge maps before their untimely demises. Other custom games have either be turned into protests and assemblies, either planning their assault on Bungie, Microsoft, or just purely rioting and killing each other for their losses. The Flamiteers and Mods have arrived to settle this, though the rioters are, naturally, obsessive players who cannot bear the loss of their armors. Of course, those with the Security Shoulders and other hard to obtain achievements and armor permutations are extremely proficient in the game, and Bungie's troops are hard-pressed to stay alive in a single game, more or less put down the rioters.

And, in the midst of all this, many have died in and off game due to the chaos. Some have committed suicide and others mass murder in the wake of the shock. Let us take a minute of silence to respect those fallen in this tragic glitch.

This is Pata 'Elishon. Remember the fallen.

Pata 'Elishon

In Decisive Victory, Blue Team Champion is Crowned 'King of LIVE' - ''The Lockout Weekly''

As the tournament came to a close, Amabob437 stepped triumphantly from the carnage, missile pod in hand, as the last battle came to an end. His 1st place ranking in all 3 of the 1v1 showdowns prior to the final battle had brought a general feeling that he was going to win, but it wasn't until he emerged from the Custom Game, shields beeping, with his partner Joibneed344 beside him, that the Xbox LIVE
community really felt like it was over.

Escorted by moderator Scorpions and Hornets, he made his appearance in front of the crowd in a Big Team Assault on Sandtrap. The MLG players dropped the bomb, holstered their rocket launchers, and cheered for the new 'King of LIVE'. He has officially taken the position as of Wednesday, replacing Red Team's Gorgemush043. The tranisition process, including possesion of the Banhammer and testing of the Mythic Maps has begun, and will be complete by tomorrow.

His actions as king are allready taking place. His changes to bungie pro are allready helping the forge dollar crisis, and his much fabled plan to get health packs once again into halo and free for everyone to use is starting to take shape.

There has been some controversy about this new king, as he is the only king so far to bear a light green Armor Detail, and some are wondering if he is fit to serve, however, this has been mostly in social playlists and not any competitive rooms.

Since he is King, and he is fabled to be 'pwnest of them all', others have stepped up to face him, but all have been immediately killed with an EMP combo as soon as they spawn, giving the no chance to fight back. It is unknown what his next actions as king will be, but I'm sure they will be for the best, for now, this is Rtan' Sansee signing out.

Omega Squad Report 5: ******* Censorship

.... And that's all I have to say.

We're merely just censoring some of our previous posts due to a request from the editor. That's all I have to say for now.

;) We're just building up suspense for our newest report.

That's all, mates.

Grundo Fishon'

This is a Test, If it Kills you All I'm Sorry - ''The Lockout Weekly''

Ok, it killed you, I'm sorry.

Omega Squad Report 4: And now for a special report....

What? Did you think that overgrown warrior dominated the Omega Squad reports? He's currently 'indisposed', so I'm here to enlighten you on what's what here in the Covenant homeworlds. Now let's see what juicy intel we have to fascinate you!



Anyway, here, on Palamok, trouble is brewing in its murky swamps. More accurately to report is that a Yanme'e shrine which had then been made into the famous Halo 3 map Guardian:



has been overrun! Remember our favorite Jiralhanaes? You know, those furry apes who couldn't keep their oversized scissors and incoherent garbage to themselves? Looks like they've begun their revenge on the so called traitors, attacking these innocent bugs. Normally, we Unggoys would go and kick their ***** all the way back to their ******** of a rock, but Palamok's gravity is infamous for being notoriously strong. If we went there, it'd be like being splattered by those annoying human jeeps again.... and again.... and again.

You get the picture. The Spartans and Sangheilis would normally assist our disabled companions, but it seems that they're out for tea, if I understand them correctly.

For tea.... that has got to be one of the most ******** excuses I've ever heard of, but don't tell anyone I said that, m'kay?

Anyway, that Yanme'e shrine that I mentioned earlier has been taken by those ****** apes and, coupling with the genocide of these neglected creatures, is the fact that they've set up so many turrets that the place looks like Truth's Citadel v7! The ground's littered with so many corpses that it looks like every single cemetary had been uprooted and the contents had been dumped in that certain spot.

It's sickening, I tell you. Right now, famous Yanme'e general Oiven is leading a contingent of the queen's best guards to slay these miserable apes. It's quite obvious who's going to win, but I don't want to disspirit the Jiralhanaes, so I'll let them dream.


This has been Pancho, and I hope you'll come back for more!

Pancho

Elite Sockpuppet - How To

How to Make an Elite Sockpuppet

Mom told you to 'get off the console'? Bored of custom games and no good at matchmaking? Red Ring of Death got you down? The Sangheili are brave warriors, and this fearsome puppet will show what skilled fighters they truly are. Whatever your reason, this funny little craft is easy, fun, and will amuse your friends... all while still keeping true to your fandom.

For this puppet, you will need.
1 Sock, for the sockpuppet (clean please)
3 Sharpies (Black, Orange, and Blue or Teal)
2 Pipe Cleaners or straightened paper clips, in case the mouth won't stay open.
1 Pair of scissors, sharp enough to cut through solid sock
1 Hand, on which to place the puppet

First, take the sock and lay it on it's side, flatten it out. Color the outside with the Teal marker. (Or blue, but very lightly if this is the case.) Wait until it dries, and then color the other side. If you think you don't have enough ink, leave it white, otherwise it will be half finished and that looks really bad.

Once you have finished that and it has dried, pick it up, while still keeping it flattened on it's side. Cut a V on the tip of the sock about 2 inches long, starting at the very tip, cut both sides at once so it is mirrored. Make the V wide.

After you have cut it, unflatten it, you should have an X. cut the bottom wide flap and the top wide flap so only the two side flaps remain. slit these in half to make two mandibles on each side. Color the inside orange.

Fourth, take a paper clip or pipe cleaner and poke one end in the tip of an upper mandible from the inside. Take the other end and poke it through the other upper mandible from the inside to slightly out only so it catches. Position it so the mandibles are slightly out and repeat with the lower mandibles.

Last, add eyes on the sides of the head with the black marker and place on your hand. Show him off to all your friends, for he is the mightiest of the sockpuppets, and with his fearsome energy sword (not included) he will vanquish all who dare contest him!

Omega Squad Report 3: Busting (Fallout 3) caps in the new year!

*sigh* Bored..... bored. Oh, by the rings, I don't think I've ever been this bored in my entire life. ....

Wait, huh, what? Oh, right. Again, your favorite Sangheili Grundo is reporting, and this is the Omega Squad! Everyone cheer!

....

I hate you all.



Anyway, a very well-known fact of Halo 3 has just been brought to light, though you might not know this. Remember how every single player would kill each other for a Recon permutation. No, not a Recon permutation, THE Recon permutation. Recon has become that popular, folks. Anyway, the reasoning behind this is that Recon is finally up for grabs. How? Well, most of you are also probably familiar with the infamous Vidmaster achievements, which were not only completely useless because most didn't give Gamerpoints as a result, but they were also extremely difficult to achieve since some were extremely specific. Well, what happens if you DO complete these tasks, you might ask? Yes, if you complete all seven of the Vidmaster achievements, the famous Recon armor will be yours.

Now, this has caused one of two reactions. First off, it has been one of excitment. Since its introduction and further widespread by Episode 8 of DigitalPh33r's hit Machinima Deus Ex Machina, several Machinimators have been dying to use this armor permutation for their Machinimas. Others prefer it as one of the best helmets out there and wished to use it in Matchmaking.

However, others have rose in in violent riots over the armor permutation. Why, you may ask? Well, the fact that the Vidmaster achievements were not released altogether before this information was disclosed resulted in a cascade of riots to occur throughout XBL, many of which were because of the inability to get Recon despite finishing the Vidmaster achievements already released. While many waited patiently, yet anxiously for the remainder of the Vidmaster achievements to make themselves known among the players of Halo 3, others angrily cried out to Bungie, exclaiming how 'unfair' this was.

Still, these fail to register as a major threat to Bungie or XBL in general, as it only guarantees more gleeful smiles of happiness in the months to come, though complaints have come in of impatient people asking to release all of the Vidmaster achievements now.

It's been a slow week, so that's all we have time for. G'day, and no, I am not Australian.

Grundo 'Fishon