Omega Squad Report 13: Behind the Scenes

Ok, we know. You're probably ****** that you got Rick'Rolled, right?

Yeah, we figured as much. It was April Fool's Day, though. You couldn't deny that, right!?

So, after a little vacation, we here at the Lockout Weekly decided to give you a little tour of operations.

Since Grundo is reading The Cole Protocol for the thousandth time, Seg and Yos are having another pointless argument, and our editor is probably looking up yuri (Don't ask.), I, Pancho, will be the one to give you a heads up on what we do to get these articles to you.


Ok, to be accurate, this is how I get my articles in. I don't know how Grundo or Yos do theirs, but I sure as heck know how to get mine in, so let's start.

First off, I usually search around for good Intel. My buds over at Sanghelios and Balaho usually provide me with the juiciest Intel this side of the Milky Way, though often it isn't enough just to rely solely on them there. That's where I use my Bungie connections.

To be accurate, they're actually Grundo's, but I lie and say that I'm asking for some Intel for Grundo and they give me some on people's reactions as well as some current events. Once that's done, BOOM, we have our story.



Next, we need to get this thing written. AS you can guess, my fla-- I mean subby arms cannot write or type very well, so we Unggoys resort to a vocal keyboard.

What is this, you ask?

To put it bluntly, a vocal keyboard is an invention created by the UNSC, the UNSC, and a few of the Covenant races such as us, Sangheilis, Yanme'es, Mgalekgolos, and even a few Kig'Yars. This kind of keyboard converts vocal chords into text on a monitor. To make it easier to understand, if you say This, the word This appears on the monitor.

So we usually speak our articles. We have to pronounce them correctly, though, otherwise we sometimes mix up the words. One time I said Plasma Rifle and got Orgasm instead. For the younger audiences reading, you don't want to know.

When that's done, we need to get it to our editor over at Te. To get it there, we have to valiantly fight off brutal forces of Jiralhanaes, braving the slavers and highwaymen that pollute the lightspeed coordinates. I, alone, once fought off an entire Jiralhanae and Kig'Yar pirate group. I was cornered, my pistol exhausted, with what must have been millions of the brutes closing in on me.

And what did I do? I smacked one in the kissar and used my ninja poweres to vaporize them all. It was so quick, they died before they knew they were dead, ha!



Anyway, once we had delivered the article to our friends at Te, we wa-- I mean we must defend the weak, innocent editors from the ruthless tyrants that follow us even to the depths of Te. Finally, when we can retrieve the treasure, we must then travel the barren expanses of space to get to Earth, where, should we survive the hellspawn put against us, submit it to Bungie and they quickly give it to the guys here at Lockout Weekly.

Anyway, there you have it. That's the epci tale of how we bravely risk our lives in what must be a calamitous journey through unknown regions of space, fighting desperately against daunting odds to bring you the best of the best.

This is Pancho, and remember: Some of us died to make this report live.

Pancho

A Special Report from the Omega Squad

Just for you guys, we here at the Omega Squad staff decided to pull together and create a special video just for all of our fans.

So, without further adieu, enjoy!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0

Omega Squad Report 12: Jiralhanae rebel over their exclusion in Halo 4's Multiplayer

After dealing with the Twiltards that fought valiantly for the inclusion of the Cullens in Halo 4, I, Grundo 'Fishon, have returned from the battlefield to file this special report.

Now, you're probably wonder what exactly happened back there. Let's just say that there is a great shortage of Twilight copies.



Now, onto the actual story. Bungie, creators of the Halo series, have made a contract with Microsoft after a long, long break between them to create the much anticipated Halo 4. Halo 4, a direct sequel to Halo 3, deals with new antagonists, more Flood, the remnants of the Covenant Loyalists, and what happened to Master Chief and the rest of the Spartans.

However, Jiralhanaes are even more outraged when they have learned that they weren't included as a model for Multiplayer even though Marines, Unggoys, Kig-Yars, Mgalekgolos, Yanme'e, Flood, and even Sentinels were included in Multiplayer. They are further outraged by the rumor that Bungie may scrap the Jiralhanaes from the game entirely.

Normally, this wouldn't be an issue, but the Jiralhanaes had taken it once step forward. One of the Unggoys in charge of creating some of the new maps for Halo 4 was recently murdered by a mob of rioting Jiralhanaes. The Bungie building currently erected on Sanghelios later came under siege by Jiralhanae rioters.

Normally, this wouldn't be an issue for us, but the release of Halo 4 was postposted indefinitely was a result. Because of this, Bungie was flooded with angry emails from Humans, Unggoys, Sanghelios, and even the Mgalekgolos ranted about the complaints.

Because of this, the UNSC (United Nations Space Command) had recently commited most of their units on the Jiralhanae homeworld, Doisac, to stop the Jiralhanaes from further postponing the release of the anticipated game.



"I cannot stand this outrage," Lord Hood had commented. "As I had been honing my skills at Halo 3 for the day I would defeat the Arbiter in Halo 4. I will not rest until every single Jiralhanae is erased from the universe so we can play Halo 4 in peace."





"The Jiralhanae are bastards, yes," Thel 'Vadam had commented, "Yet this crime is inconceivable. Were it so easy, I would choke the life out of every single ape."







"The Jiralhanae had cursed us with many misfortunes," Rtas 'Vadum had commented, "But to deny us a game where we can pilot entire fleets against each other in the ultimate Multiplayer experience is damn near horrific. An even fight is not tolerable. Only the complete annihilation of these apes will bring us satisfaction."



"Apes bad!" the Unggoy represenative had commented, "Apes really bad! We train to defeat Kig-Yars in battle! Now we no kill Kig-Yars! We kill apes!!!"





"We are greatly aggravated by this inconvenience," the Kig-Yar representative had commented, "And we will not rest until we lay our hands on this game and smite the Unggoys."





"We will destroy the Jiralhanaes for this offense," the Mgalekgolo represenative had commented.







"Destroy all Jiralhanaes!!!" the Yanme'e represenative had commented.





"Such a great sin is even more so destructive to our goals for complete online domination," a Gravemind had commented. "Should we stir longer, we will be consumed by madness and forever be lost to the finer aspects of our race."








"This is 2401 Penitant Tangent," the monitor had commented, "Monitor of Installation 05, and I will NOT rest until I and my Sentinels eradicate the dumb apes and bless our drab lives with the excitement that is Halo 4."




As you can see, the delay of Halo 4 will not go unpunished. I only hope that their damnation is swift.

This is Grundo 'Fishon. Destroy the Jiralhanaes!!!

Grundo 'Fishon

Omega Squad Report 11: Unngoy Underdogs in Grifball Finals!

I was shocked, to be sure, but they did it. My species got into the Grifball finals! In case you're suffering from a recent head injury and don't remember me, it's Pancho! Sorry for the lack of updates by our favorite Sangheili, but he's currently tied up with matters concerning a Twilight Halo crossover.

Anyway, ever since its humble origins back on Earth when the UNSC was just starting out, Grifball had grown into a phenomenon everyone had heard about, and most people enjoyed it. Of course, every sport had its critics, but Grifball was hailed as the most popular sport, primarily due to the inability to suffer fatal injury. A few bruises, maybe a burn mark or two, but otherwise you're unscathed. Isn't that a bargain!?

Anyway, ever since the forming of the UNSC (the 2nd one; see previous posts for details), Unggoys, Kig-Yars, Mgalekgolos, and Yanme'es have joined in the craze. The Unggoy Underdogs, which were highly underrated and expected to be eliminated in the first few matches, recently defeated the Mgalekgolo Maulers and earned itself in the finals with the Chief Champions. This renowned Spartan group, which all pay tribute to the fallen de-- I mean Spartan Master Chief, is fabled to have never lost a Grifball match. Now, matched against the formidable Unggoys, some predict that their seven year reign may very well end.

Now, to all that are unfamiliar with the sport, it is very simple. It resembles the old sport Football where people had to bring a ball to the opposing side's goal. However, instead of randomly tackling the opposition like a bunch of cudgels, you have stunning swords and modified Gravity Hammers to eliminate the opponents. Anyone can become the ball carrier, and the ball carrier respectively becomes orange for... some reason. People say it has something to do with some Spartan called Grif, though no one was quite sure. Anyway, the ball, which, for some unknown reason explodes when you score, must be brought to the enemy side to score. The team that scores the most points in the two minutes is the victor. Many had expected the Unggoy Underdogs to falter against the Yanme'e team Fighting Fliers, though they, for some odd reason, succeeded against them.

The Unggoys then performed their task well, defeating the Spiteful Spartans, the Safeguard Sangheilis, the Killer Kig'Yars, and the Mournful Marines. Making it to the finals after their heroic, and quite anti-climatic victory over the Mgalekgolo Maulers in a score of 7,777,777 to 7 (The Unggoys were obviously the 7,777,777.), their highly anticipated battle between them and the Chief Champions is the second most famous anticipated Grifball match in history just falling beneath the match between the Sarge's Stranglers and the O'Malley Manglers.

If you need me, I'll be getting some tickets for tonight's match. Can't wait to see ya there!

Go Unggoys!

Pancho

Omega Squad Report 10: Machinima: The Movie!

After what I am sure was an eternity, this is Yos here. The Kig-Yars are in 'da house!

Anyway, Seg's off playing something called Poker over at New Harvest, so I have to be the one to tell the story. *ahem*

To any of those who are not familiar with the term, Machinima is a term used to define video game footage portrayed in a cinematic experience. There are many kinds of Machinima, including Machinima made to tell exactly what Machinima is. Since the creation, there have been many Machinima movies, Machinima drama, Machinima comedy, and other kinds of various Machinima that it would take forever to list them all.

Now, back to my point. Over here on Earth at exactly March 7, 2554, we bear witness to the unveiling of a new movie that had been lost for over five centuries: Machinima: The Movie!!! Now, you're probably wondering what it is, right? According to the description, nearly every single Machinimator back in 2009 had banded together to create the ultimate Machinima. It was the greatest thing ever created, getting into cinema five days after its release on Machinima.com. The reaction: Oscars for nearly everything! Everyone loved the movie and it was hailed as breakthrough in theatrical entertainment. Well, it WOULD have been a theatrical breakthrough.

Unfortunately for Machinima.com and all of the hardworking Machinimators, Machinima.com and the movie's writers were sued by Sony, Microsoft, Nintendo, Bungie, Infinity Ward, Epic Games, Rockstar, Lionhead Studios, Bethesda Studios, Guerrilla Games, and various other companies for their illegal use of video games, including Halo 3, Call of Duty 5, Gears of War 2, Grand Theft Auto IV, Fallout 3, Fable 2, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, and Killzone 2. The result was catastrophic, with a five year trial causing the great Movie Depression of 2014. Machinima in general was forever banned, Machinima.com was disbanded, and famous Machinimators were persecuted for the creation of the project.

However, the people revolted. Machinima was originally a non-profit organization, and the fact that it had been released in Movie Theaters was by way of a typing error (later on, 49 Aqua Mentor of Installation 03 confirmed that it was, in fact, a typing error that caused it to become a movie) and lashed out at video gaming developers. By then, gaming had became so profitable a community that these companies hired their own mercenaries to defend their stores and workplaces. The civilians, in return, hijacked tanks, planes, and naval units, and the great Video Game War had begun.

At the end, the UNSC (Union of Nations and Specific Civilizations) and the UNSC (United Military Space Command) were left as the only remaining governments. Nearly every smaller country was conquered and destroyed in the crossfire, and several video game developers had been destroyed, including powerhouses Sony, Nintendo, Microsoft, and Sega. Video gaming had been brought to an abrupt halt, as did Machinimating. However, with them gone and the new Extravagant Nation of Interstellar Excitement (E.N.I.X.) heading all entertainment productions, the laws of these complications were dropped, and Enix welcomed the new Machinimating movie into theaters. Now I know what you're thinking: What was the plot? It's very simple.

One ordinary afternoon, Master Chief and the Arbiter are casually playing Halo 3 in Jon's apartment when they are matched up with Phil, Zack, and Wally. Master Chief is instantly intrigued by Zack's offer to team up to get achievements, while the Arbiter and Phil are naturally disgusted. They are then matched up with xDragonW0lf and an unknown green Spartan, whose gamertag was mysteriously whited out. In the middle of performing the achievement Maybe Next Time Buddy, the green Spartan, who reveals himself as CMNeir of Halo 3 Tricks, stops them and tells them that they were about to perform the Trick of Legends. Master Chief, who is as stupid as he is eager, continues with it but messes up the glitch. The players are then warped to Weather Station Z 41, where they interrupt a forecast being done by Craig and Eugene. The denizens of Weather Station Z 41 bicker with these newcomers until John, Vincent, and Travis, which have oddly been matched into the game, come in. Soon after, Mike, Brandon, Rachel, Jessica, Rob, Matt, and Silent Pete are also matched into the game, crashing in. The teams enter into a stalemate, but it is instantly interrupted by the combined forces of XxXsMok3w33d4LyPh3420xXx, White Haven, Commander Melander, Timmy, Clan Macho, and a random Katana noob. Before the sides engage in a fierce battle, Spriggs, on his Mongoose, comes speeding past, with the pursuing force of Willy, who is in turn being followed by a fleeing Rogir and Triple M, who is in turn being pursued by the aliens and Hammer, who is in turn being pursued by Vollin and her forces, who is in turn being pursued by the Rainbow Squad, who are in turn being pursued by the Pink Squad, who are in turn being followed by Meme. The random Katana noob is splattered, but is immediately substituted by Vollin and the Pink Squad. The antagonists are then confronted by Ratri (not a typo) and an evil glitcher, all lead by the evil mastermind DippyDoDa, who offer the antagonists a way to completely rule the Halo universe. After they leave, though, they release a time warp sending Shiek, Cid, Herman, Miller, Cooper, Jackson, and various others to them, as well as a contingent of Phantoms, Pelicans, and a map. Together, they set off to find the Legendary Gaming Glitch and prevent it from falling into the hands of their evil rivals. Along the way, they find new allies, recruit new soldiers, and stop their greatest foes from performing the glitch that would forever destroy gaming as we know it. However, what seems like a simple mission elaborates into more than that when the newest allies, those in particular Caboose, bring another whose actions are more malevolent than merely ruling the gaming world.

Simple, huh? I'll see you at the theaters, gents!

Omega Squad Report 9: Sandbox: Foundry Future or Big Team Blowout?

I have braved the depths of which no Sangheili had ever ventured.

I have traversed and mapped the most treacherous deserts, descended to the darkest crypts, and ascended to the heavens above.

I have fought against watchtowers and other worthy claimers of the title Forge King.

Who am I? I am Grundo 'Fishon. Hi, everyone!



Anyway, you've probably heard of Sandbox, right? It's supposed to be a Foundry in Sandtrap form, which seems to being really retarded to some people. However, is that true? Is this really a Big Team Blunder, another map whose sole purpose of notable combat relies on the now-dead playlist?

Well, let's look at it, shall we?



First off, you don't have the top layer to work with, which is already expansive. The top layer, which most people usually see of Sandbox, is literally a bunch of Forerunner Forgable objects. It is actually recommended to move all of the stuff you don't want, should you want to make a set for the greatest CTF or the most epic Infection game ever, you should just throw it somewhere to take care of it later.

However, you should mind where you throw your trash. Sandbox is bordered by menacing watchtowers managed by the Guardians themselves. Should you tarry too far into the dusty hills above, they shall look into the heart of scenery and forger alike.

And what will they do?


Anyway, since you're well aware of the consquences of failure, let's move on to the darkest depths. If you remember Sandtrap's small passages within the structures buried in the sand, then you'll have an idea of what the Crypt is. However, what IS the Crypt?

That's simple enough to answer. Those passages in Sandtrap, only they're as large as the entire ******* Foundry map!!! Is that enough for you to know? How about the fact that it's completely made with Grifball in mind, which means that soon enough, you'll be playing your favorite game of smacking Grifs and bombing bases right in the heart of the Forger paradise.

That enough for you? Well, it is about the size of Foundry, which means that, in essence, it IS Foundry. Never again will you be plagued by the need to go from separate map to separate map if you specifically need Foundry for your baes, as now Foundry is right underneath your feet.

How do you get here, you ask? In the center of the Sandbox, you'll find a large, about medium-sized Forgable block. Delete it, move it, bomb it, it doesn't matter. Below it lies the Crypt.



Now, what are the heavens above? They are the Sky Bubble!

... Ok, I'm well aware that the Sky Bubble is arguably the dumbest name ever concieved for this, but here's why. You know Guardian, Blackout, all of those special maps that have the bottomless pit of despair looming its large fog over you. Well, now you have it, minus the fog. Venture high above Sandtrap to find this griddy piece of art, and I mean griddy. Like the Crypt, the Sky Bubble has a grid made to help line up things. Here, you can make your very own floating paradise.

... Just don't fall. The first floating object you make creates the Death Barrier, so for any saps that feel like free-falling, you're not getting up when you hit the bottom... Hypothetically saying that you actually hit the bottom.



After reviewing the facts, what is it? Sandbox is more than the spiritual successor to Foundry. It is the newest love for all Forgers, Machinimators, and Matchmakers alike. With all of the places linked via a teleporter, you could have a game of Shotty Snipers in the heavens above, a game of Sandtrap Heavies readied on ground level, and a match of Grifball set up... all in the same map! How's that for convenience!

Sandbox gets this Sangheili's rating of 10/10. When you get the Mythic Map Pack, folks, go here first.

That's an order.

Grundo 'Fishon

Locust on Strike for Inclusion in ODST - ''The Lockout Weely''

Word just got out today that the Locust, the ONLY Covenant vehicle introduced newly in Halo Wars, is going on strike until it's inclusion in Halo 3: ODST. It has strictly refused to fight and will not obey the player's commands when they attempt to move it around the map. They will not ever go to the proper rally points, much to the frustration of the Heroic player about to launch his final assault on an enemy base. Ensemble employees have attempted to coax it with bribes of upgrades in DLC, but it claims that only inclusion in what it (to the offense of many an Ensemble employee) calls a 'real' Halo game, the nearest one being ODST. It was about to be persuaded with a cameo in a cutscene by Bungie, when Jason Jones joined the party and said (quote) "What the -blam!- is that -blam!- -blam!- little freaky crawling Banshee thing with the -blam!- on top and the four -blam!- underneath!"

This ended negotiations.

Currently the UNSC are overjoyed that the Covenant's most cost efficient (for these hard financial times) building killer unit is on strike, and are trying as hard as they can to insult it so as to stop any agreements. Master Chief even found a way to enter a custom game and taunt it with the fact that it has no -blam!-, -blam!-, -blam!-, SMG, -blam!-, or Gravity Drive so it doesn't even look like the Covenant Vehicles.

More on this later, but for now, this is Rtan 'Sansee signing out.

Omega Squad Report 8: Large Kittens with Nailguns are NOT in High Demand

Says me, your favorite Unggoy. Pancho here. You've missed me, right?

....

You're lucky I can't use an Energy Sword.

Anyway, as you probably know, the Human-Covenant War's long over and we've gone home to our normal lives... sorta. We've recently created the Union of Nations and Specific Civilizations, otherwise known as the UNSC, and so far us Unggoys, the Kig-Yars with their large shields and Type-25 Pistols, the Lekgolos and their Mgalekgolo infantry, and the Yanme'es with their wings and all have joined up with the Humans and Sangheilis.

However, it's not all fun and games out here in the galaxy. The URF, otherwise known as the malevolent United Rebel Frotn is as persistant and irritating as ever, striking at the UNSC (United Nation Space Command) and the UNSC (Union of Nations and Specific Civilizations) with little, if any relent to their counter-attacks. Right now, though, the Sangheilis have sent a legion of Special Operation Officers to neutralize the threat, so I don't think we'll be hearing from then for a while.

However, that's not why this is here. The denizens of Doisac, the ruthless, barbaric Jiralhanaes, have created a rival faction, The Devout Remants, and they've so far been nothing more than a pain in the ***. It didn't become a big deal until the International Trade Agreement of 2553, where we had agreed to a trade agreement between Earth, Sanghelios, and Balaho, with the Kig-Yars, Mgalekgolos, and Yanme'es going to the nearest planets to set up trade outposts in them. Therefore, we all prospered. This wasn't such a big deal until the Second Battle of Balaho, where the Jiralhanaes descended upon one of our prominant trade outposts and decimated it.

We, of course, repelled the invaders as we are one of the most superior fighters in the galaxy, but the economy was severely crippled. Since then, the Jiralhanes have waged a guerrilla war on our trade routes until the UNSC, the UNSC, and the Sangheilis were forced to intervene.

Since then, the battles have been waged from the scarred planets of Reach and Harvest, the tranquil worlds of Balaho and Sanghelios, and their festering hive of Doisac. The void of space is now strewn with debris and corpses alike as we fight against the nasty brutes, though holding a guresome stalemate.

So, remember this. The next time you travel to Sanghelios, keep your weapon loaded and watch out for rogue Banshees. Those Jiralhanaes have no sense of courtesy.

This is Pancho, and I hope you heed my advice.

Pancho