Omega Squad Report 2: Thou missed the Christmas date, you spoony dolt!

Note to self, get new keyboard. This oracle just doesn't fit the job. Anyway, it's your favorite Sangheili, and we have news on the latest and greatest of the Halo community. Now, just in case you don't know, our favorite Machinima Arby 'n' the Chief just had its latest episode removed by this heretic by the name of Mohammad Pabel Miah. This heretic is also accused of removing several videos of popular nature, like Nigahiga's famous How to be Gangster and How to be Emo vids. Why this guy is claiming copyright on obvious original vids, I have no clue. Hopefully we'll get some Intel on the situation so we can bomb them all to human hell!

Anyway, on to the recent multiplayer media. Recently, Bungie has announced that these latest products would be their last Halo products. Once Halo Wars, Halo 3: ODST, Halo: Chronicles, and the famous Halo Movie are released, that's it. Why is this a big deal? Well, coupled with the newest updates, such as the end of Big Team, the resetting of ranks, and the catering to the MLG community, ordinary Halo players have revolted. Bungie had to send a contingent of MLGers and Flamiteers (The Musketeers with the Flaming Helmet) to vanquish the threat of a growing scourge in a Forge game in Sand Tarp. Players, apparently, were trying to crack the coding and unlock Elephants in the Forge list, allowing them to create an army. The result was chaotic. Because the respawn times for betrayals were enormous, coupled with the fact that nearly everyone had Fuel Rods, Gravity Hammers, Rocket Launchers, and Missile Pods, explosions were everywhere. By the time it was over, the players had gained a few ranks, the Flamiteers' helmets no longer sparkled, the MLG players had lost their cocky demeanor, and the Banhammer, yes, the Banhammer itself was lost in the sands. With their inability to ban, the players quickly fled, leaving only destruction in their wake.

Sand Tarp was officially shut down from all Multiplayer assets for 24 straight hours while they further locked the coding for Elephants, and a new Banhammer was immediately sent to assembly to be made. Unfortunately, the word got out, and before Bungie could use their new Banhammer, a new torrent of lolcat and porn fileshares, as well as sexually offensive maps had made its way onto Bungie.net itself. It took forever for the mess to be cleaned up. It STILL is being cleaned up. However, now that that approach has been quelled, rumors have sprouted of a new attempted to hax into Bungie.net's server by way of the missing shield doors in Epilogue and Boundless. Bungie moderators are surveying the maps for any sight of the modders, but so far, so good. Now, just because it said that the Banhammer is gone doesn't mean you shouldn't go putting in a Scarab gun in your latest Matchmaking game, folks. Bungie's already made a new one, and anyone that even shows the slightest hint of suspicious activity will be brought in for questioning. Any sign of modding shown will result in immediate banning. This is Grundo, and that's the latest.

Grundo 'Fishon

Omega Squad Report 1: HEY-LO!!!

Hello to the Omega Squad portion of the Lockout Weekly. This is our first edition. First off, before you're wondering, I guess you should know who we all are, right? First things first are introductions. My name's Grundo 'Fishon, and my partner here is Pata 'Elishon. We take care of all of the matters that deal with multiplayer issues on the grand game we call Halo 3 and all media related content, such as the webwide phenominon Machinima. But, that's not all we offer in the Omega Squad portion of the Lockout Weekly. Let's switch to our favorite Unggoys!

Grundo 'Fishon

Hmph. Finally. Honestly, the Sangheilis hog all of the attention in the OS. My name is Pancho, and I'm an Unggoy. My apprentice, Pikonia, and myself host the more formal additions, where we talk about what's going on here back on the Covenant homeworlds. Uh.... for the greater interest of everyone, can you tell Grundo that I said nothing? Thanks. Anyway.... on to Seg and Yos, our fellow Kig-Yars!

Pancho

Right. For everyone's interests, I'll pretend I didn't hear that. My name is Yos, and I'm the responsible and human-friendly Kig-Yar. My associate, the spoiled Seg, is currently off in one of the space bars. He's never at work. Oi. Anyway, I'll deal with the wanderings of the galaxy. I'll even give you some intel on some past workings on the Covenant. I know a tad bit about the Jiralhanae, since some were drunk and I took a few of their communicators out of good will. Anyway, space workings and intel on our mortal enemies. How exciting is that? .... Say it isn't, and I shoot you.

Yos

And that's our cast! I hope you will enjoy the great tidings we will bring to the Lockout Weekly. Now, to start it up, I'd like to give props to a relatively unknown Machinima. I present: The Spartan Effect!



Enjoy!

Grundo 'Fishon

4th Monday Machinima Review - Edition I - ''The Lockout Weekly''

Rtan 'Sansee

Machinima Spotlight: Pregame Lobby – Episode I

Hello, and welcome to the first of the 4th Monday Machinima Reviews. On the 4th Monday of every month, a review of a machinima.com is posted. The machinima will also be posted with the post for you to watch yourself. Here is a review of the Machinima Pregame Lobby by Harabek.

The Machinima starts with one of the most styled and well cut intros I have seen. It shows each character with their name, and is set to a great theme. It then opens on two of the characters in a battle. This turns to dialogue and more interactions. It is not as humorous as RvB, but then again, what is. However, it is good not in it’s jokes, but in it’s real characters and parts that actually have you sitting up going WOW! GO GO GO! In a part that shouldn’t be that tense. It does move along a little too slow, like some others, but has unique personalities that differ well. (It has a Rube Goldberg machine too x-D).

Our main character is very pleasant, and it is nice to have actors who are not over the top or retardedly ridiculous all the time. Overall, it is a fun show and worth your time to watch. 8.5/10.

Safe for Parents Rating: Intermediate

First Post!!!!

Hello, and welcome to the new home of The Lockout Weekly. Formerly of Halopedia. As of today, I will post each of my archived stories, one a day, until they are all up. After that, starting on the following Saturday, I will post one story every saturday. Please make sure to look for it!

Thanks, Cairo and the Lockout Weekly team.

The Lockout Weekly - A Message from Our Sponsors!

The Lockout Weekly - HALOween Art Gallery

Hello, and welcome to the special Haloween Horror Edition of THE LOCKOUT WEEKLY!

Readers beware, we have before you a collection of horrifying images related to the most sinister scenery item ever to rest on a map, photos so comical you will DIE LAUGHING!!! But then again, that's what you're here for, right? Look on, if you are brave enough to do so!

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH YURI LOWENTHAL - ''The Lockout Weekly''

Rtan' Sansee

Wow. The lockout weekly has almost seemed inactive recently, but we've made it ALL up for you in this one killer release. I know Mr. Lowenthal from a summer party I attended for PCB productions a few months ago. He was very enthusiastic when I inquired if I could send him some questions for my internet 'column' I write for Halo enthusiasts. He claims ilovebees was his favorite project, and after going back and forth online for a little, I got some answers to questions that you I'm sure will love to hear. Without further ado, I present to you the Q&A!

Here you go Cairo. And you can call me Yuri. No Mr. required. Ever. Thanks for the questions. Lemme know if you ever need anything else. It was great meeting you at the PCB party. Sorry I had to duck out early before we really got to talk, but I'm sure we'll meet again. I've included the Q&A in the body of the email as well as an attached Word Doc.

Y

1. Did you enjoy working on ilovebees?

It remains one of my favorite projects ever to have worked on, and one of the ones I am most proud of. We definitely felt early on like, “This is something special, isn’t it? I have no idea what’s going on, but this is big.” And it was.

2. Did you work in the same booth with Kari, Olivia, Kristen, Zan, Dave, and Kristin, or were you recorded individually?

Sometimes separate, but when the team thought it would be important, they had us record together, which was always more fun. They are all amazing actors and most of them really close friends. When it was all done, we felt like we had been through combat together. Really close.

3. What was your favorite part of working on ilovebees?

Oh, man, I could never isolate just one. From the story to the characters to the team to the other actors I got to play with and the secrecy we had to keep and the scope of the project and the joy everyone involved felt being a part of it… It’s just one of those projects that came together on all levels and was so unlike anything I had been a part of before.

4. Was it easy to portray Kamal as a character?

Some days were easier than others. He goes through big changes. But I love him. There’s a lot of me in him, and I still look at him as one of my greatest characters.

5. Did you attend the private screening of Halo 2 that followed the end of ilovebees?

I wish. They never tell me anything…

6. Do you know of, enjoy, or play Halo at all?

I do play Halo, mostly by myself, as opposed to co-op or online, but (un)fortunately I never have succumbed to the addiction it can become. I’m really susceptible to falling into games and never coming out again. I’m also fond of my marriage and didn’t want to lose that…

7. You also provided additional voice acting for Halo 3, are you planning on working on any of the upcoming Halo games?

I don’t know where you heard that. I tried really hard to get in on Halo 3, but was unsuccessful. That said, I’d be honored to work on any of the upcoming Halo games.

So there you have it! Yuri is a very nice man, and it was a pleasure speaking with him. I'll give you that to chew on as you traverse through the day, but for now, this is Rtan Sansee signing out!

Typical Sandstorm Unveils Mystery Ship - ''The Lockout Weekly''

Rtan 'Santee

As the plumes of sand from one of the usual storms in Sandtrap receded, Spartans and Elites took eager steps out from the cover of their bases and Elephants and began their fighting once more. But it was quickly discovered that all was not as it had been, for a mysterious ship had been unearthed and sat half buried in the minefield.

After examining Theater Films of the scene, Bungie Officials have concluded that it is either an ancient Forerunner Capital Ship from The Forerunner-Flood war, or an escape pod from the Aegis Fate.

"It's interesting, I can tell you that" A purple elite commented, shifting nervously back and forth and rubbing some sand off his shoe. "I'm a regular player right around here, and I've never seen anything like it. It makes me wonder what else is down there..."

But all changed when a Brown Hayabusa and Katana wearing Sliver SPARTAN snuck in during a King of the Hill and managed to squeeze the ship into his fileshare. Bungie workers are aghast at the loss of such a commodity, and a group of angry Lieutenants send angry messages at the loss of the canceled investigation they were to start the next day.

The SPARTAN says that he will sell the item for Fifty Kazzilion Ninety Cabillion Fifty Millon and Two FORGE DOLLARS to anyone willing to pay up. The equivalent of 95,863,497,733.80 pesos in Spanishland.

As of tomorrow, Bungie employees, protected by 1337 players, will stage a meeting in an undisclosed Custom Game, but for now, we must wait. This is Rtan 'Santee signing out.

---

The Lockout Weekly and all stories under that category are property of Cairo, and may not be duplicated without previous consent. ®2008 thecairocat.

Bungie Moderators Disperse Mobbing Players with Firebombs - ''The Lockout Weekly''

Rtan 'Santee

Controversy sparked yesterday as players flooding the corridors of Assembly, about a mile away from the Red Team Convention in Blackout, were cleared out with Firebombs by Moderators clad in full Security Armor.

The Grenades were used when the protesters, mostly in the Sergeant, Gunnery Sergeant ranks, attempted to cross the bridge that spans the main of the facility. The marchers were warned repeatedly against doing so, and many marched across yelling "The Moderators are N**bs! Pwn 'em! Pwn 'em!".

Despite this, there has been much debate on whether or not the Moderators should have used these 'noobish' explosives. "There's a reason didn't put these things on the maps! They are noobish and cheap!" Exclaim some angry participants. Also in question is the fact that Flares were used to blind the oncoming mob. Being recently removed from maps, they are unable to be accessed by players.

As a line of Security wearing Moderators with Mongooses at their sides approached, one Crimson Mark V refused to step out of their way. They were thrown to the ground as several doused her in Flames. She was incinerated and forced with 5 minute Respawn times.

Security Chiefs say that all weapons used were not modded, and that firebombs were only a way of making sure that the Red Team Tournament went smoothly.

Several fleeing SPARTANS were pursued through many Forge, Custom Game, and Matchmaking games, pursued by Security in Scorpions, Hornets, and Elephants. Pursuits most usually ended with Security beating down and assassinating runners.

As the epic struggle of Red and Blue continues, chaos will emerge, and one will come out of the heaping, smoldering wreckage victorious, but for now, this is Rtan 'Santee signing out.

Forge Dollars Facing Inflasion, More Players Resorting to Money Glitch - ''The Lockout Weekly''

Rtan 'Santee

As more and more maps and objects go up for purchase on DLC, the price of forge dollars is declining into... something bad. People just can't get what they used to for a buck, and sometimes Bankruptcy will send a mapper into foreclosure of his Map. Because of this, there has been a severe spike in the use of the Money Glitch, and more people have been reverting to the primitive tactics of racetrack and minigame makers.

All Bungie's attempts to settle the issue have been in vain, and since the split with Microsoft, more and more Forge Dollars have been paying up map expenses, leading to LIVE-wide overflow and general panic.

"Before, I could fill up Foundry on my Map's Budget, now, it seems like I can barely spawn a turret" Says one discontented player.He was Angry. Our experts show that the value of the currency is down mainly because of the new forge objects, as well as more circulation among file share.

Some IGN pros are even going as far as to say that this is the start of a new recession and 'land grab' of objects, but for now, this is Reporter Santee signing out.

The Lockout Weekly and all stories under that category are property of Cairo, and may not be duplicated without previous consent. ®2008 thecairocat.

Forge Blackout leaves Halo Players Stumped - ''The Lockout Weekly''

Rtan 'Santee

At the dawn of Halo 3, players rushed to take advantage of new modes. Theater Mode, Co-op Mode, Xbox Live Mode, but mostly: Forge Mode. Players flocked into it, the ease was amazing! Spawning any vehicle, weapon, powerup, or item at the mere push of a button, and moving around with the ease of a Monitor. With such things, the players no longer needed to trudge along the map to merely get an Energy Sword or Sniper Rifle, now, they could spend their time with more creative things, like Warthog Launching. One of the most popular trick was elephant flipping, in which the players would float carelessly up to an Elephant, place fusion coils, and BOOM! The Elephant topples over, giving out a delightful message that made a many, many fans giggle.

Players soon became dependent on this new source, almost never returning to human form, they would spend the day humming and buzzing about, spawning mongooses and tanks atop each other in odd formations, plus creating sculptures in designs implying their want for Recon. This became the only way of multiplayer life, with , with no peril besides a misplaced chopper crushing someone's tower of gravity lifts.

However, this way of carefree living was brought to an end last Tuesday when an overload of map overloads caused the Forge system to shut down, forcing all players into their normal forms. This caused a widespread panic that rattled the gaming world as Spartans tried weakly to walk across the maps. The limited ammo and lack of the ability to spawn items created a horror unlike any ever seen in the Halo universe. Players Had no idea how to get around maps without a bird's eye view and super fast speeds. Many players got trapped forever, unable to get out of the caves in Sandtrap, or the tunnels in The Pit.

This sudden lack of a 'Hornet on Command' caused players to have to adapt. Soon learning the skills of the ancients, legendary people who had played Halo 2, and Halo 1 on Xbox original. These natives had become adept in unheard skills like 'Crouch Jumping' 'Sniping' and 'Meleeing'. While these were necessary in an environment where you had to scavenge for your weapons, the forge-happy Halo 3 players had any knowledge of any such skill. However, some attempted marvelous feats, such as 'Grenade Jumping', which often lead to serious injury if they did not know what they were doing.

However, eventually they got a grip on it, and by the time the servers were back online, the gamers drifted back to Forge with almost weary hearts, because walking around was almost fun, sort of a challenge say John Pillauski, an avid player. 'It was like the old days, when we actually played campaign' stated Mary Lancer, who was right then trying to flip an Elephant the 'old fashioned way'.

And so we have it, another story, another epic, ground breaking story, from right here, the offices of The Lockout Weekly! See you next time!

The Lockout Weekly and all stories under that category are property of Cairo, and may not be duplicated without previous consent. ®2008 thecairocat